Comedy Fort Knox
by Senpai.Kush
Summary: "Ahhh, this is so worth 7 dollars and 34 cents…plus shipping and handling," -Lincoln Loud (2016)


Once apon a time Lincoln was playing on his X-Box killing zombies and dancing around like a weirdo. Lincoln was looking pretty snazzy in his stupid video game goggles. Lincoln was fooling around on his game while he was supposed to be doing chores.

"Lincoln! Aren't you supposed to be taking out the trash?!" called his mom from upstairs.

"Sorry, Mom! I'm busy getting my twerk on! Ooh ooh!" said Lincoln.

"You promised you would take out the trash!"

"C'mon, just 5 more minutes!"

"LINCOLN LITSEN TO YOUR MOTHER!"

"Dammit," said Lincoln.

Just then, his emo sister Lucy appeared out of nowhere. Lucy always jumpscares all her siblings, legend says that she can teleport.

"AHHH!" shouted Lincoln. "Where the heck did you come from?"

"Sigh," said Lucy. "I was just writing another stupid goth poem, you wanna hear it?"

"Uh…I really don't,"

"Sigh" By Lucy

 _Sigh, nothing to look forward to_

 _Yet the darkness and despair_

 _Has come to steal my soul_

 _With the darkness among us, sigh._

"That doesn't even rhyme!" said Lincoln.

Lucy teleported away and Lincoln was thirsty so he went in the kitchen and drank some booze. "AHHHH Refreshing!" Lincoln was getting wasted and Lily was sitting in her high chair and threw her binkie at Lincoln's face. "Hey!" said Lincoln. Lynn was playing hockey with a grapefruit, Lynn is obsessed with sports and always turned everything into a sport.

"Heads up, Link!"

Lincoln dodged it. "Hey remember when we had to share a room together? You were like the coolest roommate ever!" said Lynn.

"Uh yeah I miss having you as a roomie! (total lie) well, maybe not the dutch oven, I'm glad you made up with Lucy."

Lincoln's room is not even an actual room, it's just like an old closet, because they don't have enough bedrooms. Lincoln has his own room because he needs his guy time and it's illegal for bros and sisters to share a room.

Meanwhile, Lincoln's doorbell rang. Lincoln opened the door, a delivery guy was standing there.

"Package for uh…Lincoln Loud."

"Woo-hoo! Finally I've been waiting two weeks!"

Lincoln closed the door with his butt and opened the box.

"Yay! My new air-conditioning underoos!" He rubbed the fabric on his face.

"These are almost TOO nice to wear…but not that nice!" Lincoln took off his clothes in front of everyone and put on the new underwear. He turned on the air conditioning.

"Ahhh, this is so worth 7 dollars and 34 cents…plus shipping and handling," said Lincoln.

"Where'd you get them?" asked Leni.

"I ordered them from the back of a comic book," said Lincoln.

"Lincoln, you can't always trust products from a comic book!" said Lori.

"Shut up!" said Lincoln.

All his sisters stared at Lincoln at him like "what the heck?" and wondered why he loved being half naked so much. Lincoln plopped down on one of the couches and started to read an Ace Savvy comic.

"This is the life!" said Lincoln.

"Lincoln, why do you always read comics in your underwear?" asked Lori, irritated by his nudeness.

"Reading comics with my clothes on is uncomfortable and distracting, I'm sure you guys don't mind." Said Lincoln.

"Lincoln! You're getting cooties everywhere!" said Lola.

"Too bad!" said Lincoln, wiggling his butt in Lola's face.

The next day...

Clyde barged in Lincolns house without knocking. "Hiya, Link! Whatcha up to?"

"Dammit, Clyde!" said Lincoln.

"What?" said Clyde, he looked past Lincoln and into the living room and saw Lori twerking and playing Lincoln's video game. Clyde started to drool. "Yes, girl. Get that hight score!" he said, walking over to Lori.

"Ya know," said Clyde. Lori wasn't really paying attention. "If you ever decide to break up with that douchebag Bobbi, I'm available." Clyde started to get a nose bleed.

Lori plopped down on the couch and took out her cell phone. "Hi Bobbi let's have sex ;)" she typed.

"I'm breaking up with you! *insert emoji*" Boobi texted back.

"What? NOOOOOOO! WHY BOBBI WHY?!" Lori fell to her knees and threw her fists up in the air.

Bobbi sent another text. "I just think we should see other people... in other words, you suck!"

Lori called Bobbi. "Bobbi? You dipwad your seriously breaking up with me through text message?!"

"Sorry, Lori! It's not you, it's me. But it's mostly you."

The end


End file.
